Learning to set boundaries

Setting boundaries is not harshness, but a form of self-respect. When you know and communicate your own boundaries, you protect your energy, your time and your needs. At the same time, you create clarity for those around you, both privately and professionally. Boundaries help you to remain connected without losing yourself.

Why you often find it difficult to set boundaries

Many people have learned to adapt, meet expectations or avoid conflict. Perhaps you are familiar with thoughts such as: ‘I don't want to disappoint anyone’ or ‘I can take that on’. In the long run, however, this leads to excessive demands, frustration or inner withdrawal. Setting boundaries does not mean being selfish, but being honest with yourself.

Boundaries in your private life

Boundaries are particularly sensitive in family, relationships and friendships. Closeness, emotional attachment and old patterns play a major role here.

Boundaries in your private life can mean, for example:

• Saying no when you need peace and quiet
• Expressing your opinion, even if not everyone likes it
• Leave responsibility where it belongs

When you communicate your boundaries clearly and calmly, you give the other person the chance to really understand you. Authentic relationships develop when you don't have to constantly adapt yourself.

Boundaries in the workplace

At work, it is often about performance, availability and external expectations. This makes it all the more important to know and assert your professional boundaries.

Boundaries at work are demonstrated, among other things, by the fact that you:

• Do not allow overtime to become a matter of course.
• Do not automatically accept responsibility, but consciously consider what you can achieve
• Make realistic commitments and communicate overload early on.

Setting boundaries does not make you appear uncooperative, but professional. Clear agreements promote respect, reduce stress and strengthen your position in the team.

How to learn to set your boundaries

Setting boundaries is a process and a skill that you can practise:

1. Be aware of your own needs

Your feelings are important signals. Exhaustion, anger or inner turmoil often show you that a boundary has been crossed.

2. Allow yourself to say no

Saying no to others is often a yes to yourself. You don't have to justify or explain yourself. 3. Communicate clearly and respectfully

Boundaries can be expressed calmly, objectively and respectfully. You can be clear without being harsh.

4. Be consistent

Boundaries only work if you take them seriously. This may feel unfamiliar at first, but it will become easier with time.

When you learn to set boundaries, you strengthen your self-confidence and self-care. You will feel less drained, communicate more clearly and shape your relationships more consciously, both in your private and professional life. People will know where they stand with you, and you will create space for what is really important to you. Would you like to know more?

Then read our article Mindfulness in everyday practice